Who wants to ride the subway alone?

On the ride home from drinks with Stephanie tonight, I finally opened my much-neglected New York Magazine from last week. There was an article in it about the myth of loneliness in New York that I had been interested in reading. I know about the cliches of being alone in a city of millions - but for me, I rarely feel lonely here. In stark contrast, when I lived in the small town of San Juan Bautista,with a population of just over 1000, I often felt much more isolated. Perhaps this was because despite the fact that it was one of those places where "everyone knows everyone," I didn't know everyone.

The article talked about new research indicating that people are actually less lonely in large, urban areas. Although many New Yorkers live alone (1 in 2), they go out, socialize, and establish complex networks of mere acquaintances. The article has multiple grafs talking about the importance of these so called "weak ties." I, for one, have always found these daily interactions invigorating and humanizing. While having a deep conversation with a close friend is incomparably wonderful, the "hi, how-are-yous" with the bank teller and "what-are-you-doing-for-the-holidays" with the barista aren't vapid small talk, they also help you feel a basic human connection.

"There is even evidence that weak ties simply make us feel better...the advice your mother gives you when you’re depressed—Get out of the damn house, would you?—turns out to be right. For most people, being in the simple presence of a friendly person helps us reregulate our behavior if we’re feeling depressed in our isolation. We are naturally wired not just to connect with them but to imitate them—which might be a good idea, if our impulses at that moment are self-destructive."

It was nice to read the article as I rode home from hanging out with a good friend. Although they are scattered around the U.S., I know I'm very lucky to have as many close friends and family members I do (according to the article, on average Americans feel they have 2 people they can discuss important matters with). But I also feel lucky to be living in such an invigorating city. I've always loved the subway, because it gives a sense of togetherness. In the movie "Crash" they discuss how LA is inherently lonely because it's a city where people live in their cars. They are constantly encased behind glass and metal. It's a metaphor, get it? Juxtapose that with New York, a city where we are consistently shoved together creating a shared community - whether we want it or not.

"{Living in New York] shows us, in trillions of invisible ways every day, that people are essentially nothing without one another. We may sometimes want to throttle our fellow travelers on the F train. We may on occasion curse our neighbors for playing music so loud it splits the floor. But living cheek-by-jowl is the necessary price we pay for our well-being. And anyway, who wants to ride the subway alone?"